i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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