His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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