He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
