His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
