I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
