Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
