Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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