you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
4 words: hood of his car
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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