what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
