with your own penis?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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