Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
