How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
