so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
