Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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