i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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