I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
