I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
