Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
