ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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