Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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