question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
