i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
