Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
