Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
