it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
