Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
