apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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