somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
