So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
