You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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