1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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