someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
