the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
