not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
