Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
