I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
