I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
