Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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