he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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