Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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