just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
