i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
