Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
