Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk is not a location!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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