You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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