just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
