I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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