He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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