I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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