someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
