proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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