my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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