how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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