THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
