halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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