i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
