cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
