I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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