lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
