You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
