2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dignity is for republicans.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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